“You’ve got your hands full!” - say about 90% of people who come across a twin mama.

*forces a smile and replies “Yep! Want to grab this bag for me, please?”

I’m hopeful that more people will stop staring at moms of multiples in shock and start saying, “Wow, you’re amazing! How can I help you out right now?”

We’ll keep working on that. For now, let’s chat how to really get some help: Baby Carriers!

I found this essential with two babies! Often one baby needed more comfort than the other. Or, a quick power-snooze in the carrier. Plus, hands-free!

I have worn many a fussy baby, turned on the vacuum and they’re settled or asleep in 2.2 seconds! It’s kind of magical. Give it a try!

It was my personal preference to wait until my twins were about 1 month old. I wanted them to have a little more head control. Each carrier varies, but most companies say you can begin wearing them once the baby is 7 lbs. Many twins are born smaller, so this will be something to carefully note for each unique baby.

Benefits:

• Cognitive and emotional development
• Enhanced visual and auditory alertness
• Bonding between baby and caregiver
• Soothing for baby
• May help lessen risk of postpartum depression
• Can help prevent flat head syndrome and can promote digestion (helping with colic and reflux)
• Hands-free for walking, playing with older siblings, grocery shopping, cooking (safely).
• Discreet breastfeeding. Easy access helps to maintain milk supply.
• Helps you and your twins travel “easier”

Baby Wearing Newborn Twins:

I generally only wore my twins individually. This felt simpler to me and allowed my husband to help while deepening their bond. Baby wearing is probably one of my favorite things about snuggly newborns. Their warm, cozy bodies, safe and secure against yours. Ahh, it’s a little slice of heaven.

One of the simplest ways I wore my newborn twins individually was the Lalabu Soothe Shirt. It’s only good for babies 7-15 lbs, but the pocket you slide them into couldn’t be easier. Plus, the shirt is breastfeeding accessible. I should have sized up, but otherwise, I loved this shirt/carrier!

I explored the Moby Wrap with the “Twin Cradle Carry” a few times. It takes a good deal of practice but can help you carry two tiny babies at once. I still kept a hand to always support them. The twins seemed to enjoy it once they were wrapped and easily fell asleep.

Another carrier for newborn twins is the Weego Twin Baby Carrier. I have not tried this one, but it is designed to work for twins starting at 4 lbs.

The Wild Bird Ring Sling was my favorite and quickest way to carry one baby for longer periods of time. This carrier also grew with them really well! Good from newborn to 35 lbs. I’ve heard of some mamas making or just combining two slings to carry their twins once they were older for the hip carry.

Carrying older twins:

When my twins were older and their hips could accommodate the proper rotation, (around 4-6 months) I wore them in the Ergo Baby carrier. I used two of these [front and back carry]. I love how the Ergo Baby carriers support my low back and the padded shoulder straps were very comfortable. First, I would put one twin in the back-carry position, then I’d put the second twin in front-carry, and off we’d go! There are many new options for Ergo Baby, including newborn inserts, but I’m still a fan of the Original.

Similar to the Ergo arrangement I created, the TwinGo carrier provides this same setup. You can also detach the two and wear your twins separately.  I’ve never tried this carrier, but have heard great things about it.

Baby Wearing Safety:

With all of that baby wearing goodness, I must close with safety reminders. I liked this list from Healthline Parenthood.

• T: Tight. Baby should be upright and tight enough in a carrier that they’re held safely against whoever is wearing them. 
• I: In view at all times. Baby’s face should be visible to you so you can monitor their breathing. You can also keep a better eye on your baby’s mood if you can see them.
• C: Close enough to kiss. Can you lower your head and kiss the top of your baby’s head? If not, you should reposition them in the carrier until they’re high enough to kiss with little effort.
• K: Keep chin off chest. Look at your baby to ensure there’s a gap of about two fingers wide under their chin. If they’re in a good upright position with their spine curved and legs squatting, it’s less likely that their chin will drop.
• S: Supported back. While you want your baby to be secure, resist over-tightening the carrier over their back. You should have your carrier tight enough that there’s no gap between your baby and your body, but loose enough that you can slide your hand into the carrier.

Here’s to creating a little more simplicity in our crazy-a$$ twin-mom-life. Yes, you've got your hands full, but yes, your heart is fuller!

Check out my Amazon Shop Page to purchase some of these baby carriers and my other picks for pregnancy, postpartum and beyond.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you use these links to buy something we may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Thanks!

There are a few habits that I began during my twin pregnancy that have stuck with me. My protein-packed-oatmeal game is one of them. 

I’ve always loved oatmeal and knew of its many health benefits, from being a great source of fiber, to its antiinflammatory properties. Oats also provide nourishment to breastfeeding moms. It’s a go-to breakfast at the top of the list for supporting healthy lactation. 

Plus, comfort food.

What pregnant or breastfeeding mama doesn’t want a warm, cozy bowl of packed-with-goodness oatmeal?

When learning about how best to support my twin pregnancy, protein was strongly emphasized. So, I started to incorporate more nuts and seeds into my diet. I added them to as many meals and snacks that I could. This carried me into my breastfeeding journey, when my body was working on overdrive to make all the milk for two babies. Protein and healthy fats sustained me during the 24/7 milk production.

As my hands were always full, I had to simplify meals. I always tried to make extra for leftovers. When making oatmeal, I began cooking up a large pot, 3-4 servings so that I could quickly reheat it later in the week.

And now…. The toppings!

Here’s what I add to amp up the protein and why:

• Hemp Seeds - protein and healthy fats
• Ground flaxseed meal - fiber and omega-3 fatty acids
• Chia Seeds - all the things! antioxidants, fiber, protein, omega-3’s 
• Nut butter - more protein and I love the consistency it adds to the oatmeal
• Coconut milk (whole fat) or your fav dairy or non-dairy milk
  • Healthy fat to satisfy hunger
• Pure Maple Syrup - unrefined sweetener, antioxidants

Other galactagogue add-ins for breastfeeding mamas. 

• Sesame seeds
• Raw Brazil nuts, cashews, walnuts or macadamia nuts

So many delicious reasons to incorporate more of these foods in your diet. Even if you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding, you can enjoy these nutrient packed toppings for your oatmeal. I’d love to hear what deliciousness you’d add!

I see the wiggle, the dancing in place, the indecisive, "should I go now or keep playing with this super-cool dinosaur? I should totally stay and play."

Mom's quickly pick up on these cues and no matter how many times we offer, the kid will still choose to play instead of taking a few minutes to use the toilet.

Then, like clock-work, they're frantically running to the bathroom, trying to take care of business before the business happens in their pants and on the floor (again). 

As many times as I encourage them to get to the potty sooner, I remind them of something more important: "You have plenty of time. Let's try a few slow breaths." 

I've said this phrase more times than I can think of. I calmly follow their spazzoid-selves to the bathroom and gently repeat: "You have plenty of time. Watch me, I'll take some deep breaths with you." 

After awhile, it starts to click. They watch me, breathe with me and learn this invaluable skill.

Our breath is a tool to help calm our mind. Our breath can help us shift from a negative reaction to a mindful response. 

Any parent knows that our children mimic our words and behaviors. We have the great power of creating positive shifts within ourselves and the next generation by modeling this behavior. Practice it over and over and over again. It's not a one-time-fix, but a lifelong practice.

Try it the next time you're:

• running late
• feeling overwhelmed while trying ot accomplish all the things
• needing your kids to hurry up
• about to pee your pants (ha!) 

"I have plenty of time. Right now, I can breathe in and breathe out."  Repeat until you feel a bit more centered, focused and calm. Then, carry on, my SuperHeroes!

You've got this, friend! I'm cheering you and your kiddos on!

You may also enjoy my blog: "Don't Stress, Try Lion's Breath" featuring toddler-Wesley :)

Or, my tutorial on the calming 2:1 Breathing Exercise and how I manage mom-stress with it.

Most of you who know me, know my husband. Besides the fact that he’s the main member of the family who keeps us laughing, he’s an Emergency Medicine Physician. It sounds so professional as he’s also the one striving for silliness when we need a smile. My husband has always had a love for life and saying “yes” to impromptu adventures. He works well under pressure, a skilled problem solver and helps people feel at ease. (This is a good thing as we have 4 children too!) While he has a spontaneous personality, he’s thoughtful and thorough. My husband is smart, has an amazing heart and, if you can’t tell yet, I’m beyond proud of the person that he is and the work that he does.

The current pandemic of COVID-19, a highly infectious virus, is one adventure he’d never expected. After 14 years of working in the Emergency Department, he’s facing something completely new. Every day is - email updates [so. many. emails.], checking-in on former residency colleagues who are still working in hospitals around NYC (a new ground zero), learning as much as he can about the disease we don’t know a whole lot about. I’m grateful the hospital my husband works at is not at a critical state (yet). We live in Erie, PA and are not experiencing the intensity that NYC and other major cities are. We’re hopeful the diligent practice of everyone STAYING HOME, or 6-feet social distancing, can help slow and eventually stop the spread of COVID-19.

It’s still terrifying.

I’ll be honest, I was gripped with fear during the first two weeks of our transition to crisis-schooling and my husband working with COVID positive cases in the E.R. I had serious anxiety as my head swam with all of the “what-ifs” - Will my husband bring it home and infect me? If (when) he does, will it be severe or manageable? Should he live away from our home for the next few months? But then, how will I handle work/school/mothering/household management with four kids, solo? Plus the attempts at remaining informed while also protecting my heart from the overload of news, social media, texts and emails. - I think we can all agree, things escalated fast.

As I type this, we just completed week four of crisis-schooling and received the news that classes will remain online/at home for the rest of the school year. We’re faced with the stark reality that social distancing is not going anywhere for a while. We’ve got a few more months (more?) ahead of us until the medical community and virologists have an idea of how to handle this pandemic.

My husband’s work in the Emergency Department reminds me: life is full of unknowns, we can handle challenges together and each day is a gift.

So, here we are,  isolated “together”. Journeying along a similar path but handling it in our own way.

Please trust, it’s ok to be completely unsure of what to do. We’re all figuring it out, even the medical professionals. Uncharted waters here, people.

• Give yourself permission to just be whatever you need to be. Messy and organized, creative and ummm, non-Pintresty. Loving these elements of togetherness and screaming to just have a break from it all. You can be/feel all the things. Allow yourself to hold space for it all.

• Be gentle with yourself and PLEASE loosen your grip on any expectations. We’re in a crisis, and you have to triage, moving your own moment of sanity to the top of the list, so while we’re at it, drop the mom-guilt over screen time.
  

• Breathe. I’m over here feeling like a pinball between four kids while my husband continues his work in the E.R. This crisis has brought me back to many affirmations I repeated as mantras during my three pregnancies and four births (I count each twin’s birth as it’s own, because they were, indeed, different), “In this moment, I can breathe in and I can breathe out.” Sometimes that’s all we can do. 
  

I see you and hold this space for you to feel it all.

When the grip of fear arises, don’t do anything but feel it and breathe in ~ breathe out.

When we feel ourselves mourning the loss of our normal lives, don’t do anything but feel it and breathe in ~ breathe out.

It’s possible we may come face to face with loss. What else can we do but breathe in and breathe out.

I am not able to spin this to say the next few months are going to be easy. We can not minimize the importance of staying home to keep yourself and each other safe. But, I can remind you to breathe.

Let each feeling rise to the surface.

Let yourself cry.

Just as we hold our little ones and allow them to feel that safe space to cry - to feel sad or hurt - hold yourself just as gently right now.

And then, again, I’ll remind you to breathe.

To my husband and every medical worker on the front lines, we remain grateful and hopeful. We’re washing our damn hands and staying home to stay safe.

There are practical parts of motherhood that you can plan for, like the car seat, baby food steamer and the best rated baby carrier. Then, there are the other parts that you weren't expecting [and can kind of feel stunned by the intensity until you're in it]: extreme fatigue, anxiety, overwhelm as you begin to multi-task all the things, and the noise. Kids are LOUD and the frequency of the crying/whining episodes are... whew! A lot. In my house, we've got four, and I get it, they're all just trying to be heard, seen and heard some more. There are a lot of emotions and different personalities all smashing together in one, love-filled home.

Sometimes though, it's too much. All of the positive mantras, affirmations and reminders I give myself just aren't getting me through this feeling of imbalance as my stress levels rise. I feel it in my shoulders, my throat and face. It's like a tea kettle that I know is about to boil over. There are times that I do let the stress get the better of me. I shout. I lose it. It doesn't feel good, but I'm gentle with myself. I forgive myself. Because, I'm human.

I know that I want to and can do better. So I try. I try again and again by coming back to my breath. It's one of the best tools I've experienced to handle stress in the moment. My prenatal yoga practice laid the foundation. I've practiced incorporating this powerful tool that I've carried with me from pregnancy, through birth and, currently, in the thick of motherhood with four kids (including 3yo twins #twinsanity).

Our breath has been described as a bridge between the body and the mind. When I feel my mind being flooded with stress hormones and my body tensing to respond, I know I need my breath to bring this stress down and help me feel more balanced again.

Join me in this two to one (2:1) breathing exercise where I'll walk you through doubling the length of your exhale.

For example, if you inhale for a steady count of 2, exhale for a steady count of 4. If you're able to breathe a little more deeply, you can increase this to a 3 or 4 count inhale, and a 6 or 8 count exhale.

Your exhale will always be double the length of your inhale. This 2:1 breathing exercise helps release stress and is an accesible technique to quickly calm the nervous system.

Give it a try the next time you feel your stress levels rise. Before or after you scream.

*Remember: You're a human being and that comes with experiencing all the emotions. You're not perfect and are not meant to be. You can (we can) do our best to try and manage this stress that is a natural part of this beautifully messy mom-life. We can set the example for our kids that we're trying, but we're not perfect. We can apologize to our kids when we do "lose it" and show them how we're working on doing better next time. It's a practice that also takes patience, but it's worth putting in the time for.

And they may just remind you to breathe next time. I have a feeling we've got an incredibly mindful generation on the rise.

Namaste, mama!

It's one of my favorites times of the day, bedtime!  And I'm talking my own, not necessarily the [sometimes maddening, sometimes sweet] routine with the four kiddos. When those little angels have gotten past their second/third/forth wind and are finallly sleeping, I actually pat myself on the back and say "Nice work, Amy, you did it!"  While I love the light that they bring to my life, these quiet evening hours are moments that I look forward to for ME. 

This is what it generally looks like - vegging out to a little DVR or Netflix (my current favs: So You Think You Can Dance, Modern Family, It's Always Sunny and Survivor with the hubs), scrolling/responding to IG & FB, brush, wash, take my contacts out, then B to the E to the D, BED! And truly, there are many days when I get the kids down by 8pm and I immediately get myself ready for a 9pm bedtime. #MamasTired! 

If it's been a particularly hectic season (holidays, work ideas, life transition) I have difficulty "shutting off" my brain. It’s the running tally of how the day went. Things that were sucky, things that were swell. The lists that are looming for tomorrow. The chatter of the mind that won’t. quiet. down. 

Guess what, we're not doing anything wrong when we notice that chatter, it’s what the brain naturally does. It thinks. Hooray! But, we can help it shift into a calmer state when our bodies say “sleep” but our brain says otherwise...

There are many suggestions for helping you quiet your mind before bed: 

• Create a cozy, quiet, dark space for rest.
• Journal. Get those thoughts out of your brain and onto paper.
• Keep computers and TV’s out of the bedroom.
• Avoid caffeine 4 hours before bed and alcohol 3 hours before bed.
• Remain consistent with your sleep schedule.
• Various relaxation techniques: a bath, journaling, reading aaaaand, stretching! That’s where I come in.

Stretching before bed offers many benefits. In short, it allows you to physically and mentally shift from the activities of the day to the slower pace of the evening before drifting off to sleep.

Stretching can improve circulation, relieve muscle tension and bring you into the present moment. Ahhh, #mindfulness

Connecting these stretches with slow and steady breathing allows your brain to tap into the calming quality of the parasympathetic nervous system. This can help bring about a state of ease as you cozy in for the night.

If you’re ready to shift gears, check the video below and join me for three of my favorite nighttime stretches that you can do in bed!  Ok, there’s four, I couldn’t help myself.

Sweet dreams, darlings.

When I danced on Broadway and as a Rockette, I learned my choreography, maintained the level of performance expected of me and proudly executed my role in the well-oiled machine that is a theatrical production.  It's amazing what goes on behind the scenes. There is just as much show happening in the wings and backstage.

Now, as a mom of four, I appreciate a fully supported company of team members helping to put this song-and-dance production on.

There are times it feels like I'm the stage manager, head of the wardrobe department, sound crew, music director, set designer, dance captain and company manager. This is intensified when hubs is away working. Sure, I've got other team members, grandparents and a cast of sitters. They swing in quite often and help the show go on.

Even with all of the help I receive, there are many moments where I'm wearing all the hats and desperately helping one scene flow to the next.

In order for us to leave the house, it looks like: potty attempts, costume changes, food and water (don't forget the blessed water bottles!) prepped for the talent and myself, that favorite-of-the-moment toy that they MUST be holding while riding in the car that somehow seems to be misplaced, and a whole lot of theatrics from each of the cast mates depending on what inspiration their pulling from that day...

It's amazing how choreographed AND improvised this dance is.

Sometimes we take our show on the road and attempt an outing.  Other times, I'm too exhausted just thinking about it and we stay home. Happily (tearfully) playing together, coloring, dumping organized baskets of toys, singing, wrestling, pulling books off shelves, arguing over who gets to play with similar but different toy car, dancing, laughing.... the usual.

So, enough with the theatre references, but I'm just offering this reminder, no matter how effortless someone elses production looks, there's always another show happening behind the scenes. Sometimes it's other crew members, sometimes it's one tired parent just winging it to make the most of the moment.

Casting tips: Delegate, hire some childcare/cleaning/shopping help (e.g. postpartum doula) when you can.

Choreographer cues: Change your plans/expectations. Say no when the scheduled activity feels like too much. Stay home. Do less. It's often what we need in our over-scheduled lives.

Director notes: Embrace the simplicity and beauty of the show that's happening right in front of your eyes.

Our production level has gone up with four kids. If you're improvising like me, I wish you luck as you do your best to pick yourself up when you inevitably face-plant (all performers do). Brush off the dust and turn your face to the lights. There's always a sequin glimmering somewhere, reminding you of the beauty of this production you're in.

photo by the beautifully talented Erica Whiting Photography

When I decided to share an image of my sleep deprived-self breastfeeding my newborn twins, I would have never have imagined the flood of encouragement I’d get.

So much: “I FEEL YOU”, “Oh, I remember those days”, “How did you do it?”.  My responses, “Ugh, thank you!”, “I know! <3”, and “I have no idea.”

As I mentioned in my very vulnerable post, “I was giving my all…” My husband captured an image of me sleeping, working, healing, resting, giving. I never knew he snapped this picture of me breastfeeding our newborn twins until a few months ago when we were looking through pictures of the their birth on his phone. (The twins are 3 now.) It struck me how exquisitely the image captured this season in our lives. I felt my heart bursting with love for my two healthy babies. I felt the exhaustion in my bones. I felt my body aching to heal from my vaginal and cesarean “double-birth” as I was in the fresh postpartum stage. I felt the fatigue and hunger that is part of making milk, breastfeeding two growing babies. I felt depleted and fulfilled at the same time. ‘Tis motherhood.

I could have looked at this pic and thought - Oh no, I’ll never share that. It feels so unflattering. I’m wearing my husband’s shirt because that (and maternity clothes) was the only thing that fit. I mean, this pic was not fitting the bill to grace any magazine cover! But, I saw so much more that needed to be shared.  And, I was damn PROUD of our journey and how far we’ve come!

After, @womenirl shared the post, then @scarymommy I was in awe at the responses received. What I heard loud and clear was that mama's are ah-mazing at supporting each other and lifting each other up. I also knew that this vulnerable message was important to keep sharing. 

Whether you're a twin mom or not, I hope this message reminds you just how incredible you are as you give so much of yourself to your babies. Breast or bottle, I know you do what is best for your baby and your family. Motherhood is a tough gig and what we need, more than anything, is support and encouragment.

Copied below is what I shared in my original post that went viral, translated to Spanish, French, Portuguese, Arabic, Russian... Reaching mamas across the globe. Grateful beyond words.

"Sharing this unfiltered image of me ✨giving my all✨ My hubby snapped this pic as I fell asleep sitting up, breastfeeding our two-week-old twins. Exhausted doesn’t fully describe this experience as I was healing from 2 types of births (Baby A vaginal, Baby B cesarean) and my body is working non-freaking-stop to make all the milk for these boys.

This is the least flattering/aesthetically pleasing image I could share of me bfing my twins but, man, it makes me proud as I look back at how hard my body was working. Sneaking in a nap while the boys ate because, holy crap, I could have fallen asleep anywhere during that first year of their lives.

Our bfing journey lasted 28 months. I amazed myself. Each day/week/month/year that ticked away was mind boggling to me. We were figuring this thing out. Together. It was not easy and required so much sacrifice, but I was 1,000% committed to this part of my journey and thankfully we made progress together.

I enjoyed so many beautiful moments with my boys nursing side-by-side. The first time twins hold hands while bfing is heart-bursting ? Those moments of connection, warm snuggles, love given and received got me through."

If you aren't following my journey on social media head to my Instagram or Facebook pages here!

Here's to always lifting each other up!

Amy

Hey, Super-Stellar-Sometimes-Frazzled-Mama who thinks she needs to do it all for the ultimate holiday experience for the family.  Here’s a little secret- your kids are happiest spending basic, quality time with you. It’s what the holidays are all about. Not how many events you can get to, burning everyone out and creating more tears than necessary.  At least that’s been my experience. Maybe you too? (*slow blink and nods with me)

With 2 year old twins and two older kids, I’ve learned that saying “no” to things is part of my self-care. I have begun simplifying many different parts of my life. This Christmas is even more simplified and I’m ok with that. The decorations will be minimal. We’ll do a basic, decorated tree and some outdoor lights but I’ve decided I will not lug the 8 boxes of decorations out to Christmasify the house. Especially when the 2-year-old twins will only destroy any festive item I attempt to adorn a shelf/table/countertop with. I’m honestly just hoping the tree survives these two boys!

I love the tradition of giving and receiving cards but needed a simplified option here as well. When Basic Invite reached out and showed me how easily I could create and customize our xmas cards I was all for it! I hopped onto their website and enjoyed the ease of creating a card that suited our family. 

Basic Invite is one of the few websites that allows customers almost unlimited color options with instant previews online. Once you select a design, you can change the color of each element on the card to over 180 different color options so you can make sure the card is exactly how you want it down to the littlest detail. I loved this element, as I’m a details person.  You know I’ve loosened my grip on most details in mom-life, but it was fun to be able to customize our card and envelopes exactly how I wanted to. (Unlike life with twins.)

More reasons I’m loving Basic Invite:

• All envelopes are peel-and-seal, no licking required!
• Printed samples so you can see exactly how it will print as well as feeling the paper quality before placing your final order.
• Address capturing service! Basic Invite offers an address capturing service that allows customers to simply share a link on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other form of social media to request their friend’s and family’s addresses. They are then stored in the customer’s account and can be selected during the design process. Say what?! Love this free option!
• Recipient address printing at no cost on all Christmas card orders. Boom. Big time saver.

Basic Invite is even offering a sweet holiday discount with coupon code: holi30 

Now that our inexpensive holiday cards are ordered, the kids and I will look forward to hanging the ones we receive from friends and family across the country!

As I continue to simplify this mom-of-4 life, I’ve decided which holiday traditions I will continue this year (cookie decorating) and which ones I’ll set aside for now (waiting in line for a picture with Santa). Although a screaming kid on Santa’s lap is always a funny baby book memento.

Holiday traditions and stressors are different for each of us. Take a moment to recognize when and where you might be able to simplify, receive help or simply say “no thanks”. My wish for you is to enjoy more magical moments of presence and let go of the expectation to do it all.

I hope you have a beautifully-basic holiday season.

With the warmest of wishes,

Amy

I performed in the First National Tour of “Monty Python’s Spamalot” twelve years ago (pretty much another lifetime).  I enjoyed 14 months of touring the country with friends that became family - Spamily. I have too many favorite moments from this show that made me belly-laugh every single time I performed it. One song pops into my head on a regular basis, “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”. It opens with a downtrodden King Arthur who receives a pep talk from Patsy, his coconut-clapping sidekick. “Always look on the bright side of life. Always look on the light side of life.”

My husband and I both adore the wisdom of Monty Python. It’s one of the reasons we’re so compatible, laughter is medicine. Always look on the bright side, or the light side, of life.  Here’s the perspective shift. You can choose to look at the dark, messy side or blink and breathe and see the light side. The bright side might not be too shiny or even there just yet, but it’s like a little seed, under the surface. 

As a mother of four with two-year-old twins, I’m in one of the messiest, more chaotic seasons of my life.  Many of my days feel like I’m being repeatedly slapped in the face with a fish. (Python fans know.) I have plenty of moments that start to drag me down. I do not push these feelings aside saying they’re not valid.  They are.  I feel what I need to, just sitting with the ick and letting it be.  I cry, complain and cry some more when I need to. Some days are harder than others and that’s ok. It’s part of life.

It’s what we do after we sit with the sh*t for a minute that’s the difference maker. Even when I’m in the thick of it, it has become helpful practice for me to look on the bright side. This perspective shift has helped me feel lighter, react less and remember, there’s always a way through. It’s not a clear, direct path, but with a gentle approach, lead by love, I’m reminded that life has more good than bad. The tantrums pass, the emotional storms move along and the fog clears.

Take the image at the top of this post, with the leftover Halloween candy and pumpkins, the clutter of a family of six who has the bare minimum organized, let alone coordinated for social media acceptability. This is unfiltered mom-life. I’m holding one twin who just vomited on me for the 3rd time that day. (Unbeknownst to me, there were 3 more rounds on the way.) I was holding George while we all sat and ate dinner. He didn’t have an appetite of course and it was too early to put him to bed for the night. As we’re all eating at the table he spews, on the floor, and me. So, I slid my chair back, moved my dish to his high chair, and finished my dinner. NBD. I was amazed by my lack of reaction to sitting in vomit while eating dinner, but I guess this is one of the superpowers I’ve acquired as a mother. I have zero expectations for anything to go as planned. I have an incredible tolerance for the messy chaos that accompanies 4 children. Especially when you become un-phased by bodily fluids. It’s a gift. That’s what I’m telling myself.

So, the bright side here?  What’s that happy, whistley tune to accompany sitting in your child’s vomit? My family was all together, “enjoying” a meal, Dean Martin was playing, I have a great washer and dryer that has been working on overdrive with all the laundry (when you move to the suburbs from the city and don’t have to walk to the laundromat, a washer and dryer in-home is #winning!) and I get to comfort my children when they’re sick. I’m their safe place to rest, heal and feel loved. Daddy is too, of course, but for these two-year-olds, mom’s lap is where it’s at.

The mom-gig is the most demanding work I’ve ever done. It’s harder than learning a show in 2 weeks, performing 8x a week (or more at Radio City Music Hall).  It forces me to grow on all levels and demands more out of me than I ever expected. I’ll always be a hopeful optimist that chooses to see the bright side, because that is what helps me enjoy and appreciate more moments of this sacred work. Caring for and nurturing my kiddos keeps me on my toes even more than Broadway.

When things get a little dark, sit with it for a bit, feel what you need to, then try this practice to bring you some light.  Focus on the good bits, what you’ve got versus what you don’t have. This is a practice in motherhood-mindfulness. During pregnancy this looked like - "I can't run 3 miles right now, but I can help my body feel better with some yoga." During postpartum it looked like - "I'm awake every 2 hours through the night, but I get to feed my babies, with my body. How freaking amazing is that. And newborn snuggles, ummm, pure heaven on Earth." I had plenty of challenges to work through, but I never doubted myself.  I've become unapologetically optimistic.

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” -  Cynthia Ozick

As you smile and see the bright side, I'm sending deep breaths of gratitude (germ-free, please).